Relapse

Relapse

Hi all. I know it has been a LONG time since I have written. An awful lot has happened to me in the past year and a half or so.

Those of you who have followed my blog the previous couple of years know that through a rigorous vegan diet and daily exercise, I had gone from a horribly obese 350 lbs to a svelte 200. I had reclaimed my health, lost my hypertension and borderline diabetes, and discovered more energy then I knew was possible. My depression, which had plagued me for years, had even gone away. Without a doubt, I knew my avoidance of processed foods and animal foods, as well as daily exercise had been responsible for my weight loss. Overall, I had never felt better in my life. I felt as if I was invincible.

Life, however, is never without its share of tragedy. Just when I thought I had reached my highest point, the universe decided to take me down a peg or two. First, my wife demanded a marital separataion. Not terribly long after, I found out she was having an affair. Finally, three days before our 11th anniversary, she filed for divorce. The marriage I had hoped to save for the months of our separation was over.

I was completely devastated. I went from living in a nice house to a one bedroom apartment. I only got to see my kids 8-10 days a month. The illusion I had of a "good life" was completely shattered. Financially, I was shackled by huge child support and alimony payments, which amounted to approximately 60% of my monthly salary. I was forced to work extra shifts every month in order to make ends meet.

As I have mentioned many times in the past, I am an emotional eater. When I get upset or anxious, I tend to resort to food as my comfort drug. As unhappy as I became, I simply quit. I stopped eating my unprocessed plant-based diet. I stopped exercising. Instead, I took to sitting and watching television to take my mind off of my circumstances. And I ate. A lot. I ate fried chicken, mashed potatoes, macaroni and cheese, pizza, and all of the "comfort foods" that I used to rely on. 

It is surprising how simple it is to slip back into old patterns. I vowed that I would never eat animal products again, but under pressure, that vow was easily broken. Not surprisingly, given the research I have shown in previous blog posts (feel free to read them all), bringing back the animal foods meant the return of the weight, and the return of my chronic diseases. Depression, obesity, and high blood pressure quickly returned. I ballooned from 200 pounds to 280. I was afraid to write blog posts advocating health, because I felt like a hypocrite, and I was ashamed to tell my story, as it had taken a huge turn for the worse. 

Not too long ago, however, I realized something. This part of my story is worth telling. Relapse is part of the process of change. The question to ask is not "will I mess up," but "when will I mess up?" Clearly, resorting to those comfort foods was a huge mistake, and It cost me dearly. 

Thankfully, I regained control of my life. I deepened my connection with God, filling a lot of the void in my life. As much as I hate dating, I also met a wonderful woman who is as fully committed to me as I am to her, and we were wed in January. 

The waters having calmed a little in my personal life, I took a look at my health. At first, I thought going vegan again would be too hard, given that I had strayed from it for so long, so I tried to eat Paleo. That just didn't work for me. One good thing I discovered trying that eating plan was how bad gluten is for us. I will elaborate on that in a future post. 

Finally, since no other eating plan has ever worked for me, I decided to return to a vegan diet. Specifically, I decided to follow my own eating advice, the DevolveHealth Eating Rules:

1. Eat foods as they occur in nature

2. Eat a wide variety of fruits, vegetables, legumes, and nuts, and very little if any meat, eggs, or dairy

3. Choose foods for nutrition, not flavor

Within a week of committing to eat plants again, my energy returned, and I began to feel better. I have lost about 10 lbs so far, and will not stop until I reach my goal weight of 185.

As with many things in life, buried in tragedy is hope, and opportunity. I had thought my rough patch was just a punishment, but now I realize that I can make some good from it. The last time I reached out to you readers about nutrition and exercise, I did it as someone "on the other side" if you will. I had already achieved my goal. The mountain always looks smaller when you are at the top. This time, I will take you along with me on the journey, and we can help each other climb.

I encourage each of you to set a goal to reach with me, be it a weight goal or a fitness goal. On my end, I promise to post frequently on my progress and the lessons I learn. I hope you will commit to following me to fitness and a better life. Feel free to post your story, or your commitment in the comments. Mine is far from the only story worth telling.

Either way, this should be an adventure!

Jacob Ott, MD